Mundane Turbulence

I’ve been having some interesting dreams lately…

Last week, I dreamt that I was in a black church for Easter Mass.

You’re already thinking, “whooooa Christian — SLOW DOWN. THAT IS A CRAZY DREAM.”

And I’m like, “yeah, duh, because I clearly would have no interest in attending Easter Mass.”

But you’re totally racist, so you’re all, “ESPECIALLY not in a black church, homeboy!”

Natch, however, I have to bring you back down to earth. In the immortal words of En Vogue (that’s a link to their Wikipedia article for all you youngins), I respond solemnly, “free your mind, [your name here]…and the rest will follow. Be color blind, [your name here]…don’t be so shallow.”

So this was actually a church I’d been to back on March 15th: Roxbury Presbyterian. My step-grandmother, Nathalie Singletary, died back on the 8th (at 60 — too young), and this church was where her funeral service was held. Nathalie was a good lady…she was always cool to me, and on the occasions throughout the years at which we had a chance to chat, she made me feel like I was just another member of the family. Which that meant a lot to me. And even when my step-father and mom had only first gotten together, she bought my me and my sister Christmas and birthday presents. In fact, she got me my first Gameboy…and that was a big deal!

Back to the dream: again, I was in her church. I was sitting in a pew, when these three Irish (from Ireland) girls in the row in front of me turned around to chat me up. They were cute, so this was a good thing. But then my high school guidance counselor came out of nowhere and sat next to me. This was actually a really pleasant surprise, because I very much liked the guy…even though I was a crap student, he always treated me with respect, and I could tell that he truly did want to help me get to where I was going.

But there he was, and I of course haven’t seen him since high school, so I asked him what he’d been up to. Well…he’d become a cat burglar (which kinda made sense, because he always looked to me like an Irish mobster from prohibition days). When I asked him why he’d made such a radical change in careers, he told me that it was because he’d fallen in love with someone who he referred to only by her initials: LM.

Yeah. Random. No idea what LM could stand for, but…here are some options:

• Laurie Marjorie (my mother’s first and middle names)

And…from acronymfinder.com:

• Lunar Module
• Liquid Metal (like the T-1000!)
• Lady Macbeth
• Licensed Midwife
• Lowell, Massachusetts

Clearly, my old guidance counselor had to leave his home in Lowell to turn to a life of crime because he was running from a T-1000 that had killed his wife (to get to him), who worked at Brigham and Women’s Hospital — and whose maiden name was Macbeth — and he was saving all his crime dollars to pay for a ticket to the one place he could hide: THE MOON.

What we can all agree on, I think, is that this dream had NOTHING to do with my mother.

Also, later that night, in a state of half-consciousness, I could’ve sworn that Advil was beaming advertisements into my dreams. There was even a not-so-catchy jingle involved: “Advil, Advil, you love great great Advil!” I had to try super-duper hard to fight all those advertisement-waves from invading my vulnerable brain again!

Then, a couple nights ago, I had this dream in which all the negative aspects of my personality had manifested themselves as my very own imaginary friend, in the form of an old friend of mine, Erik. This was…the best ever. I always had someone around, and I could just ask my imaginary Erik about the worst things I’d ever done,of which he had an instant and encyclopedic knowledge.

The worst things he said I’d ever done to girls:

1. I had sex with my this girl I dated, Lydia, on her room mate’s couch.
   Which wasn’t actually true…I did that with my ex, Heidi, but I think that in my mind’s eye, the two are very similar. In fact, when I first started talking to Lydia, listening to her voice on the phone would cause me to freak out a bit, because I’d forget that I was talking to someone other than Heidi.

   Anyway…I don’t even know where that one came from, because how could having sex on Heidi’s roomie’s couch be anything but hilarious? Or at least mildly amusing.

2. Diana Clarke.
   When I’d started dating again — months after my first girlfriend (of three-and-a-half years) dumped me — Diana was a someone with whom I maybe sorta could’ve had a real relationship. Basically, I ditched her for another girl. I had my (flimsy) reasons for this, but in retrospect, I’ve always felt like I blew an opportunity to have had something special with a special person. I don’t regret the choice I made…but I do feel guilt and melancholy whenever I think about her.

That was the saddest part of the dream…but the funniest part was Erik’s appearance. In high school, we were inseparable. He was a high school dropout who lived down the street from my high school, so I’d just head to his place whenever I skipped class. Which was all the time. We’d talk about porn and bitches for hours, eating all the DiGiorno pizza that his mother kept in plentiful supply. And it did indeed seem like the two of us were different sides of the same coin. To grossly over-simplify: he was the bad kid, and — compared to him, at least — I was the good one.

But eventually I had to move on. Erik was hittin’ the sauce with friends of his with whom I couldn’t relate, and I was straight edge and felt the need to start college as a new person. I cut him off…and it was cold.

Things change, though…or return to the way they were, at least in a similar way. We’re friendly again. He’s getting married. I’m a former college dropout. And I’ve certainly relaxed my stance on intoxication.

In dreamland, the only downside to imaginary Erik was that, whenever I spoke to him, people thought that I was just some crazy person, because they couldn’t see him themselves. It occurred to me that maybe all crazy people are just talking to manifest aspects of their personalities.

When it came down to it though, I was quite happy with that give-and-take.