Thirty-Second Post
Hmm. Relationships.
As a human being, it is an unsurprising fact of life that romantic couplings (and…sometimes triplings or more?) — whether casual or fully committed — are constantly, unrelentingly on my mind. It’s pretty much a given that my myelin could serve as a sexual lubricant, beyond its capacity as a neurological one, but I SWEAR that those axons are connected to thoughts of relationships!
Anyway — fantastically brilliant physiological comparisons aside — this is a difficult thing for me…because I don’t seem to navigate my way into lasting relationships, basically ever. But of course I have needs like any other person, so it’s like I’ve become an…I dunno, sex-vulture? I survey the land, looking for tasty sex morsels. WOW that sounds terrible…but maybe in a hilarious way…just maybe? I think an illustration is in order:
The wild North American Christian scavenges for carrion.
So: lucky in sex, but unlucky in love, would be the way to put it, I think — at least as far as your average dude goes — which naturally makes me more desirous of the latter. And that’s the direction I want to steer this conversation towards…
My friends might give a big ol’ “yeah right” to this one, but the fact is that I reeeeally would like a stable, long-term relationship. My problem has always been that I’ve sought out the exact WRONG people to fulfill their end of the bargain in such a deal, which has certainly led me to question whether I truly do want or am ready for such a commitment.
But I’ve lately come to a realization that has sufficed, for myself, as proof of my intentions. Let me preface this epiphany first by reiterating how very busy I’ve been these days…I’ve really only got so much brainpower to dedicate to the various thoughts running through my head. So, I imagine that many people know what it’s like to be in an on-again, off-again relationship, and I am certainly the king of this form of dating within my social circles. As the result of a recent on, I came to this conclusion: if I can allow myself to believe that I’m in a relationship — whether or not it’s a realistic belief — it really helps to cut down on how sex/relationship-obsessed I’m prone to let myself become, and thus helps me to better focus on the most important future-enabling aspects of my life.
Yes, this is a somewhat sad realization! Luckily, I’m not at the point where I’m completely fabricating relationships to content myself…yet. A further observation that I’ve made on this perspective is that there is a part of me that simply wants to be in a relationship so that I don’t have to worry about being in relationship. Equations: no relationship = anxiety; relationship = less anxiety (in most halfway-decent scenarios, at least).
Basically, a good love would really grant me some peace of mind, I think. Maybe this isn’t some grand discovery after all…
That’s just a brilliant photo-montage. It looks like something someone would have dreamed of (or nightmared of!). That being said, I heard the british are cloning the 1st ever man/animal hybrid, so a 1/2 vulture 1/2 could potentially happen (and by potentially, I mean potentially).
“My problem has always been that I’ve sought out the exact WRONG people to fulfill their end of the bargain in such a deal, which has certainly led me to question whether I truly do want or am ready for such a commitment.”
A person’s actions sometimes reveal his or her desires, but I think actions are just as often indicative of habits we’ve fallen into. You might want to question your strategy, rather than your commitment.
Sorry if that came off preachy.